How many times have you been having a much needed moan about the day from hell, letting off a bit of steam, only for some well meaning colleague to utter those immortal words “Think positive!” Easier said than done you think, or is it?
Positive thinking isn’t just about whether you think you’re a glass half full, or half empty type of person. And it’s not all as cringey as some of these daytime TV evangelists would have us believe.
The simple truth is that the way you think has a direct relationship and effect on how you feel and behave. Negative thoughts can lead to negative outcomes and before you know it you’re reaching for the chocolate and scrambling about in your bag for tissues.
The first step is identifying negative thinking. Here are some of the most common types, see which ones you recognise in yourself:All or nothing - seeing everything as one extreme or another, right or wrong, good or bad, you struggle to see the middle ground. For example, if a meeting didn’t go completely to plan, you see it as a failure. Negative filtration - you dwell on the negatives, effectively filtering out the good stuff. So if nine people tell you your presentation was great and one says it was a little long, it’s the one that you’ll dwell on. Jumping to conclusions - assuming you know what someone is thinking and acting accordingly - without finding out what they were actually thinking. You might think a friend has given you a look that means they’re upset with you, you feel uncomfortable and avoid them. Your own worst critic - you’re harder on yourself than anyone else, using words like ‘must’ and ‘have to’ in your thoughts and speech. Always to blame - regardless of whether you’re responsible for something, you’ll blame yourself and have a tendency to take things personally. Ever the perfectionist - if you are, this is one of the key factors for increasing stress. Perfectionists can never win, because very little is ever perfect, so it’s a vicious circle. It means you’re always falling short of the unrealistic standards you’ve set yourself. OK, open up and let the positive in If you found yourself in a few of the above, read on. There are a number of easy exercises you can do to improve the way you think and help you deal with stress better. So give your mind a workout with these: Write down your negative thoughts, using the list above to help you identify them. This will help you see the situation more realistically, it’s like the theory, if you say it out loud, it must be true. If you feel like people are always criticising you, think hard and write down he times that you’ve been complimented. You might be surprised. Be your own best friend, treat yourself and your inner voice they way you would a good friend, with care and concern. Try and think how you’d advise them in a stressful situation. Let some colour in. Try not to think so black and white. After a meeting, try thinking ‘I handled that better than I thought and managed to get a really important point across.’ One small positive is better than a void of negative. Think in perspective. Instead of setting yourself unrealistic targets, like ‘I must not make any mistakes in my presentation’ try telling yourself ‘I’d prefer not to make any mistakes, but if I do, it won’t be the end of the world.’ It’s amazing how much taking a bit of pressure off yourself will improve your performance automatically. If you tend to think pessimistically, write down three good things that have happened to you each day, they don’t have to be major events, it could just be that you managed to ring your mum even though you were busy. The reality is, our days are made up of small tasks, so picking out 3 you’ve done well will make the day seem more of a success. Life can be hard, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Thinking positively is a skill that you can improve over time, but you can start right now. It really can be as simple as accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative - and if you can do that, you’re half way there.
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